How do we break down and resolve financial infidelity?

Good Morning!
A couple of weeks ago I posed a situation that might be close to some of you-a case of financial infidelity.  The premise of the story was that someone, without their spouse's knowledge, signed up for a credit card, and racked the debt up to 20,000 or $25,000 in debt.  When the credit card company started calling because payments were late or incomplete it broke open and there was much hurt and distrust, and even thoughts of divorce.

How do we overcome financial infidelity?

First, we need to know the definition of financial infidelity. Wikipedia defines financial infidelity this way:

Financial infidelity is the secretive act of spending money, possessing credit and credit cards, holding secret accounts or stashes of money, borrowing money, or otherwise incurring debt unknown to one's spouse, partner, or significant other.[1] Adding to the monetary strain commonly associated with financial infidelity in a relationship is a subsequent loss of intimacy and trust in the relationship. Financial infidelity appears to be on the rise, with a 2005 study showing that 30% of respondents had lied about financial information and 25% had withheld information,[2] whereas a 2008 study showed that half the respondents had committed some form of financial infidelity.[3]

Come clean

The first step on the road to repair is to come clean with all your financial activities.  Share all the activities as well as all the money that was spent on these activities.  Write them down so you don't forget.  This may hurt, especially if there are many incidents, but push through it and get it out on the table.  Together, you may find that there are deeper issues like a gambling or spending problem and if you catch it now it could save you more heartache, and possibly your marriage, in the future. Make a commitment to never hide any important financial activity again.

Practice financial transparency

Practicing financial transparency is the first step to rebuilding trust.

• This means following a spending plan agreed upon by both of you.  This means you both have a vote and you don't move forward unless you both agree.
• Freeing up a little bit of spending money so you both can have some money to call your own and are not required to share.

Have regular "money meetings"

Once you've come clean and agreed to practice financial transparency you'll want to keep yourselves accountable. This is the purpose of money meetings.
Pick a time that works for both of you, not late at night when you're both tired, or when you're on the go and are focusing on many other things or when each of you are at work. Pick a time and even put it on the calendar if necessary so you don't forget.

Here are some of the topics you may discuss during this time:

• How is each of you doing overall?  This is a general question that may take some time.  Enough time spent here may be more important than the other items combined.
• Keep in mind your spouse's mindset on financial matters. I love spreadsheets and getting down to the nitty gritty of financial matters whereas my wife likes to look at money issues from the 10,000 foot level, without a lot of numbers.
• If available do you need to free up or cut some more money for a particular budget item? Groceries, Recreation, Transportation, Savings, etc.  If you are living tightly you may not have this luxury, don't be tempted to increase the budget item if you don't have the money.  Remember that each person has a vote in this process, resist the tendency to think your spouse is stupid for thinking the way he/she does.  Also, as Dave Ramsey has said that, and I agree with, any spending outside the spending plan is financial infidelity.

Be humble and apologetic

The final step and one that should be present throughout the process is to be humble and apologetic.  Realize you've made a mistake or several mistakes and work hard to make it right. This will allow you to rebuild trust in your marriage and work towards complete trust.  This will also get you started on the path of financial healing.  This may take a while but sticking with it will be worth it in the long run.

Listen to and/or read this case of Financial infidelity from Dave Ramsey 

I want to promise as you follow these steps and come clean, practice financial transparency, have regular meetings, and are humble and apologetic you'll feel the walls come down, trust enter back into your marriage, feel love and peace return to your home and lives.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog, let me know if you have any comments or experiences that you'd like to share.

Thanks,
Greg and Jody 

A "case" of financial infidelity...What would you do?

One of the topics that has been on my mind lately has been one of financial healing.  There are several financial issues we need to be healed from including unhealthy money scripts from our youth, financial trauma, and recovering from financial infidelity, etc.  I did a google search on Financial Healing and the main topic that came up was indeed, financial infidelity.  This seems to be the one item that affects a lot of people, especially married couples.

Consider this...
The budget is tight due to an economic downturn, overspending, or economic hardship; and you are a spender.  Your spouse is a saver so you feel confined, restricted, and sometimes frustrated because you can't get the latest gadget, redecorate your bathroom, or go out to eat more often.  Instead of operating within your parameters, understanding your financial situation, and living within your means, because that's no fun, you figure out ways to "feed the beast" and buy things you cannot afford.

...Enter "my own" credit card.

You and your spouse have credit card debt but your accounts are in good standing.  Without your spouse's knowledge you sign up for a credit card with a small balance.  It's only a small balance, maybe $500 or so; besides, my spouse will never find out, I've got this all under control.  I'll get the mail before my spouse or have the bills mailed to the office.  This will be great, I'll be able to get what I want, and there won't "appear" to be any extra expenses that affect our budget.  Life will be smooth sailing!  After all, I'm making minimum payments on my account and keeping it in good standing so I should be good right?  It's only a "little indiscretion."

Then something incredible happens, or so you think!  You get a notice in the mail asking if you want a balance increase.  The balance increases from $500 to $1000.  "Excellent! I was almost at the end of my limit, I'll take the increase", and little by little you overspend more on items you may not need,  not using, or just irresponsibly spending out of control.  You're spending out of control because there is no control.

This pattern happens over and over, and before too long, you are $25,000 in debt, and it's becoming more and more difficult to make even the minimum payments.

Does this sound like some of you?  The details may be a little different.  Are you keeping your spending in check?

...A few months ago your spouse has started getting a little suspicious and asking you questions about where you're getting new items and why you're able to eat out so much.  Before you were able to cover them up with a quick comment or no response at all.  Now, your spouse is getting a little more direct and expecting answers.  You start losing control of your "little indiscretion" and you begin to feel guilty, not because of what you're doing but that you may get caught.  What should this person do?

Let us know if this applies to you or you have a solution for the person that may be in this situation.

Solutions will come out in the next posts

Thanks,
Greg and Jody Roche

What can I do to keep my family busy this summer?

What are you going to do this summer?  Are you going to take a big vacation or are you going to take some short trips, or a stay-cation?
Kids and parents are counting the days before school gets out, perhaps for different reasons.  Kids are looking forward to being a little freer and not having to get up early or worry about homework, and taking a vacation to see family and friends.  Parents are also looking forward to a more relaxed schedule, but they are sometimes wondering what can I do to keep my kids busy this summer.
Well, whatever you choose here are some ways to cut down on the cost of your vacations:

• Go to a local pool
• Take a picnic lunch and go to the park or the beach
• Make a plate of brownies and take them to a neighbor shut-in or someone who needs encouragement
• Go on a nature hike and identify as many native plants as possible
• Play hide and go seek
• Go on a bike ride
• Get as many people as you can and play Ultimate Frisbee
• Have a bonfire and make smores and share stories
• Play in the sprinkler
• Find some old wood and make a bird house and watch the birds occupy it
• Have a book club with your family

I asked my kids, who are 17, 14, and 11 what their favorite things to do when the money is short and here's what they said:
The 17-year old said she likes to take a walk in a watershed or at a park near our home
The 14-year old said she likes to go to a 2$ movie theater that we have in town
The 11-year old said she likes to have a pool party

http://www.crystalandcomp.com/2011/05/80-inexpensive-or-free-summer-activities-for-kids/

And if you have teenagers in your house here are some cool ideas...

http://parentingteens.about.com/od/teenculture/a/funteenstodo.htm

It's one thing to seek for ways to do fun things for cheap but another way to make your money last longer is to increase your income.  There are several ways to do this; here are a few:

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Rich-Quick-if-You%27re-a-Kid

Another way to increase that gap between income and expenses is to spend time over the summer and earn some extra income.  Here is a way for educators to get some extra income:

http://teaching.monster.com/finance/articles/8587-10-ways-to-make-extra-summer-income-for-educators?page=11

10 ways to make extra money this summer

http://www.splashlife.com/article/10-ways-make-extra-money-summer

If you look for less-expensive fulfilling activities a couple of things will happen.  You'll have more money in your pocketbook and for your future, and the kids will appreciate the "smaller" activities and be able to find fun and excitement in them.  Comment on our blog and let us know if you have other activities that work well for your family.

Thanks, and Have a Great Summer!!!

Greg and Jody
www.befrugallivewealthy.blogspot.com

What if you set a goal to Live within your means?

We were over at a friend's house the other night and he said something that you don't hear very often.  He had gone to see our Bishop seeking for a little monetary assistance to help him over a hump.  He realized that instead of seeking more money, i.e. charity, if you will, he realized he should do the best to live with what he had.  He said, "I should live with what money I have".  Later, his comment hit me like a ton of bricks and I thought, what if all of us made that commitment to live within our means and do our best to make wise purchases and live a little simpler?

I know we set many goals from losing weight to stopping smoking to having a certain amount of money in the bank by a certain time.  What about setting a goal to Live within your means.  You could start with a week, move to two weeks, a month, and so forth.  Here are some benefits of living within your means:

• You learn how and keep a spending plan...and stick to it
• You become more diligent at keeping money in your pocket
• You make sure you pay your bills on time and avoid late fees
• You keep track of money that comes in and goes out
• You look for ways to acquire things cheaper, for example, getting movies from the library instead of renting them
•  You tend to be more conscious about money matters

Are you avoiding your most important financial task?

As I was doing some research I came across this article on your most important financial task that I really enjoyed.  Take a look and let me know what you think.  Take a minute and post some one or two of your most successful budgeting or spending plan ideas.

Thank you,
Greg and Jody Roche
Be Frugal Live Wealthy
http://www.befrugallivewealthy.blogspot.com/

Fight for your Money - Call Customer Service

About a year ago my brother and sister-in-law bought a Vizio Surround Sound Speaker system from Costco for about $400 and were pretty happy with it.  It played well and sounded great.  Recently, the speaker system started to short out and became a danger if they used it.  They didn't purchase a warranty with the product and so were concerned about their options.  My brother-in-law suggested they not worry about it and just go buy another one.  My sister-in-law said "Be Frugal Live Wealthy", meaning me, would say let's fight for our money; she called Vizio's 800 number and let them know the situation.  She told them she bought Vizio because it was a great product.  She asked them what she could do.  The customer service representative at Vizio said she'll talk to her manager.  After a few minutes she got back on the line and said they would send them out another speaker system.

They sent the new system out by Federal Express and it arrived in 2 days.  Vizio even sent out a return slip so they didn't have to pay for sending the old one back.  My in-laws set the new system up and it works great!!

My brother-in-law was so impressed that he sent Vizio an email indicating that and that he wouldn't buy another brand.

When Jody shared this experience with me I was so excited and let me tell you why:

It was so easy!  My sister-in-law called the 800# and explained her situation and they made it real easy for my in-laws.  The entire phone call probably took less than 15 minutes.  Companies are striving to see that their customers are satisfied with their products and will work hard to make sure of it.

As a side note the more you "fight for your money" and make the necessary calls to customer service personnel the easier it will get and the more you'll be able to ask for discounts, coupons, etc.  I've also found it gives you more confidence in your negotiations.

If you have issues that are costing you money such as an article of clothing that's too big or an item you purchased that you are not satisfied with and may require some customer service personnel intervention give them a call.  It may save you some money.

My challenge to you is to determine an issue that needs resolved and take the necessary steps to resolve it.

Thank you and have a great day,

Greg and Jody Roche
Be Frugal Live Wealthy
http://www.befrugallivewealthy.blogspot.com/

"Fight for your money" tip 3 - Ask for a lower price

I've missed blogging over the last week because we've been so busy preparing a financial education booth for Prairie Days in Yelm on June 23rd to the 25th and working on our house. We've been talking about pulling up the carpet and getting new flooring for a few years now. The holdup has always been me because I wanted to make sure we could pay cash. I had done a walkthrough with a couple a few years ago and in passing they said they remodeled one room at a time as they had money. This thought has always stuck in my mind. If you can't pay cash...Wait until you can.


Finally, we got our taxes back, did some much needed car maintenance, went on vacation and we made sure we had enough left over to pull the carpet and put down laminate. Jody is real excited and can't wait to have it completed!!

We spent a lot of time looking for the right laminate, weighing price, value, and choices of flooring. We set a budget for the job and kept our eye on making sure we stayed under budget. Well, we finally found the right laminate that we knew would look good in our home. One weekend we saw it at 2.69/sq ft and we asked them if they could go lower. They said they could go as low as 2.49/sq ft. We kept that in the back of our minds. When we finally determined that this place was the one, we looked online and they had it for 2.89/sq ft. Our hearts sank, because that would put us over our budget. I called the company and told them our budget and that we needed to make it under that. It was the end of the month and they were willing to make some deals and move some inventory so we asked them how low they could go, and they said they could go down to 2.49/sq ft. We did the math and 550 sq ft @ 40 cents saving /sq ft saved us over $200 on our purchase because we were willing to ask for a lower price. This kept us under budget, so we went and bought new flooring that day!  We're so happy because we like the flooring and got it for a good price.

Thank you,
Greg and Jody Roche
Be Frugal Live Wealthy
http://www.befrugallivewealthy.blogspot.com/